little letters

(by Sssamantha on deviantart.com)

dear new york city,
i'm completely in love with you, but you smell sometimes.

dearest paris,
i miss you. more than i thought i would.

dear simon & garfunkel,
thank you for making my lazy sundays marvelous.

dear roommate,
please clean the bathroom, or shave your head.

hello best friend,
i'm so excited to see your new life.

dear sunshine,
keep shining. you make me so happy.
p.s. tell summer to stay.

love,
faustyna

philosophizing

"Life must be lived forward,
but can only be understood backward."
-Kierkegaard

(image found on weheartit.com)

So I'm going to pedal forward and make it a beautiful journey.

I am realizing now that I am okay with not understanding why people do what they do, with making mistakes, even with being in a constant state of change, and feeling things out. A lot of times not having things figured out and set in stone really bothers me, but it seems that's pretty much impossible. And I am okay with that. I think that as long as I think my life was beautiful, when I think about it in retrospect many years from now, I will be happy.

that's amore

At the restaurant today we had a guy propose to his longtime girlfriend. He came in earlier in the day to give us a heads up and to make a few special requests, to pay tribute to some of their inside jokes; it was all really thoughtful and super cute. And she said yes! It was also probably the most beautiful ring I've ever seen.

But the moment was ruined (for me, anyway, and we all know I am a huge sap when it comes to things like this) when immediately after they sealed the deal with a kiss, they took to their Blackberries to spread the good news. They spent the rest of their 45 minutes at the restaurant on the phone, pausing occasionally to take a celebratory sip of champagne.

Technology is changing a lot of things. It's like we can't live in the moment and savor it in our own memories, we have to let everyone and their mother know what we're up to at any given moment. Granted, I myself avidly Facebook and Tweet and all that...but I think that for something as monumental and life-changing as an engagement, or the birth of your first child, you could put down the cell phone and just enjoy being with the ones around you.

Privacy, mystery, secrecy, whatever you want to call it: everyone else can wait.

blowin' through the jasmine in my mind

I cannot believe it is July already. Summer is already halfway over, but it feels like it really just started. I mean, I guess I did have a two-week limbo period where I was still trying to figure things out and get settled. Now everything has fallen into place.

Relatively speaking, of course. Lately I've been feeling a little distant and unattached from everyone and everything, and I'm not really sure how to explain that. I think I just have a lot on my mind: I grew a lot this past semester, and I'm trying to figure out what I want my life to look like now. So I sit and observe a lot. I watch the way people interact, what they talk about, what they do. I want to know if I want to surround myself with these people, or whether I'm wasting my time.

I am so lucky, though, to be surrounded by quite a few people who do inspire me to be a better, smarter, more active person. I'm tired of drama. I'm tired of conversations consisting solely of gossip about what's-his-name. I don't need friends just for the sake of having friends; for the sake of looking popular on social networking sites. And I'm embarrassed that I ever thought that way. I feel like I've been learning a lot lately from all my observing of the people I'm around. I'm realizing what I want out of the relationships in my life. And that makes me really happy.

But now I need to stop observing so much, and actually hold up my end of the friendships. Sometimes it's intimidating; I feel like these people are so much better than me, and it's weird to be intimidated by the thought of being friends with someone. I've never felt that way before; it's always been really easy for me to make friends. People just kind of flocked to me. Actually, funny little anecdote: in fifth grade, apparently, there was a new girl in school who wanted to be friends with me, really badly. I don't remember this very well, but I guess I sent my minions, my envoys, over to talk to her to see if she was "cool" enough to hang out with. But now I actually feel like I have to work to be friends with the people I want to be friends with, and I'm very okay with that.

balancing act

I have come to the conclusion that really, when it comes down to it, all of life is just one big balancing act. Balance, at least according to Merriam-Webster, has many definitions:

It is a means of judging or deciding.
It is a counterbalancing weight, force, or influence.
It is an aesthetically pleasing integration of elements.
It is physical equilibrium.
It is also mental and emotional steadiness.
And it can be something left over.

Balance is very difficult to achieve, and sometimes people are even predisposed to be imbalanced, and so will never achieve it. But if you think about it, balance affects us in almost every aspect of our lives.

Can't eat too much junk food; it'll make you fat. But on the other hand, too many blueberries, or brussel sprouts, aren't good for you either. Balance. Can't be a workaholic, but you can't just sit around and be a bum all the time either. Balance. Can't spend all your time with just one person, no matter how much you like him or her. Chances are other people in your life will get tired of being put on the back burner. Balance. Can't spend too much time alone, but going out all the time and being surrounded by noises and people and smells all the time isn't too healthy either. Balance.

Too much of a good thing makes it not so good anymore.

summer: a work in progress

Summer came like cinnamon, so sweet.

This summer is already so much different than any other summer. What happened to the days of playing in the sprinklers in the backyard and going strawberry picking? Who am I kidding, those days were gone long ago.

I am the type of person who likes everything planned out before it happens. I probably annoy my friends with texts demanding to know what the plan is a good five hours before it happens. But this summer I'm trying something new. I bought a one-way ticket to New York City, without any concrete job/internship offers on the horizon. In short, for the past two weeks, I've been flying by the seat of my pants.

And so far, so good. Internship? Check. Job? Check. Housing? Check. And I'm having a wonderful time. As much as I complain about growing up and how scary this all is, all this responsibility, being here in New York gives me a feeling of optimism and opportunity, and it gives me energy.

I am meeting all sorts of crazy people this summer, and I think I need to write a play or something...

simple pleasures

I like taking my tea, mildly sweetened, on the front steps overlooking the fields at sunset after a summer thunderstorm.

I like waking up without an alarm clock, and rolling around under crisp white linen sheets for a good hour or so before actually getting up. Hey, I've got nothing to do today but smile.

I like giving dogs belly rubs and watching them snort with pleasure as they roll around in the grass.

I like reading good books in the sunshine for hours, floppy hat, and praying for freckles.

I love a good tomato.