it's been a while

i haven't written in two months. it's not that i haven't had anything to say. i'm pretty sure that once i get into it, i'll have plenty to say. or, at the very least, i'll ramble for a little while. it's also not that i haven't had the time. i could give many excuses about midterms and crazy schedules and whatnot, but when it comes down to it, i do indeed have the time to write. i'm not sure why i haven't written. i've certainly thought about it.

today is thanksgiving, and i am "home" alone. i made an ambitious to-do list, but, as always, nothing has gotten done. instead, i have wasted today away by reading past blog entries and flipping through page after page of facebook photos. in short, i have been reminiscing today.

i used to write a lot, back in high school. i certainly had a lot of thoughts about life in the present, and emotions, and what things were going to be like in the future. but now, now that "it's all happening," as the title of my blog suggests, now i have nothing to write? it makes no sense.

so let's see if i can get into this.

the semester is winding down, and it is a little bittersweet. it has been an interesting semester, to say the least. a bit rough at points, in regards to things that nobody could control and things we could. classes weren't inspiring, except for one, which made working and studying and going beyond that much harder. yet there have been extremely good moments too: i have seen two wonderful concerts this semester, have managed to retain and develop my friendships, and so far, my preparations for my future here at NYU are going well.

i'll be going to paris in the spring, and i can't even begin to describe how excited i am! i think i need a change of environment. an expansion of my horizons. i want to soak up life. this kind of makes me sound like i'm taking my opportunities here in new york city for granted. i mean, a lot of people from back home would say the same things (expansion of horizons, soaking up life) about going away to nyc. i don't take new york for granted. i don't think so, anyway. i have just always felt a sense of belonging, in paris, and i feel like there is some sort of self-awakening moment to be had when i get there. i want to travel. i want to be a vagabond, for a while. i have been doing some soul-searching, lately, and i feel like i'm in this crucial in-between stage in my life. i think being abroad will help me find some answers about myself and about life. not to mention, i'm also very excited to eat nutella for every meal..

i am also in the middle of an RA leadership institute, which is basically a three-week long interview process to see if i would make a good RA, for next year. it's been pretty intense; we have discussed concepts such as ethics, or values, or identity--concepts that are so abstract to me, concepts that i don't think about on a daily basis. it has been eye-opening, and very interesting. and also kind of dampening: the fact that i do not really hold strong opinions was reaffirmed again, and i don't know what to do about that. i mean, maybe it's a good thing that i am able to see the good in all opinions; the fact that i am very moderate and non-judgmental would probably make me a good RA. but at the same time i feel like i should strongly believe in the values i hold, at least. perhaps it's just the fact that i don't think about these things that often...

i have been reading a lot, lately, and it's been really nice. everything is illuminated and the bell jar have been added to my favorites list. i like that they make me think. seems like i've been doing a lot of thinking lately.. not a bad thing :]

i have also been listening to classical music lately. it's funny that i only listen to classical music when it gets cold outside. but every time i do listen to it, i fall in love with it all over again. it's so beautiful, and it makes me miss making beautiful music. it makes me want to be sitting at home, in front of my fireplace, lost in the dancing of the flames and the dancing of the notes inside my head.

clearly being alone for extended periods of time makes me slightly crazy.