i should be packing..

when did it get to be january? i just realized a couple days ago that i will be out of the country in a mere week. that blows my mind. it feels like the semester just ended. wait..it doesn't even feel like it ended. it feels like i'm going back to new york city tomorrow and everything will be the same. but of course, it won't. i'm actually going to paris in a few days. and nothing will be the same.

i guess i should write some reflections about last semester, or last year even. maybe comment on what i've learned and how i've grown. that doesn't sound like too much fun, because i'm not really sure what i think about everything yet. i haven't really been able to turn things over in my mind as i usually do, because this break has been so unorthodox.

so i'll keep it short. last semester was an interesting one, to say the least. high highs and low lows. you learn a lot, living with people. about yourself, about others, about life in general. i have learned to not take things at face value. to not judge before i am made aware of the entire situation. to not be so passive-aggressive (i'm working on it). i wish i wouldn't have been so comfortable in my, well, comfort zone. i wish that i had studied more for physics. but it doesn't make sense to wish i had done things. i lived, i learned, now i take what i know and i apply it to this coming semester.

but before i write about my goals and dreams for paris, i should ruminate a bit about this so-called break: how people have changed, how akron's changed, how i've changed relative to all that, and things of that nature. although i suppose that's rather difficult without being specific.

in general, akron ohio makes me sad. i came home and the movie theater closed. the dinner theatre closed. the recession is rearing its ugly head here. yet graydon carter's most recent editorial in vanity fair mentioned that the Great Depression ended up being a great creative era in regards to music, film, photography. so perhaps akron just isn't interested in being culturally aware. akron's idea of entertainment is tivo, or beer pong, depending on your age group. other than that, akron makes me sad because it never changes. the people here never change. how can they, anyway, since they've never left? i don't know what i was expecting.

but i must say that i have been pleasantly surprised (yet again) by (most of) my friends here. i love snuggling and watching planet earth and the history channel, something so "nerdy" that i would have been embarrassed to admit that's how i spent my evening, in high school. i love coming home and sitting at the cafés for hours and hours, having discussions with people that i barely even talked to in high school. and no longer is petty gossip what makes the conversations so appealing and long. that makes me so happy. i love being able to discuss philosophical, psychological, even theological themes with such intelligent and interesting people. i would even say that many of my friends in akron impress me more than many i've met in new york city. i love being surrounded by inspiring people. i only hope that i can be inspiring to someone, someday.

okay. enough. let's talk about paris.
paris paris paris paris paris.

i can't believe that i'm going to be living in paris for four months. much like i couldn't believe that i would be going to school in new york city. i guess i'm taking the big cities of the world by storm; conquering them one by one. i have such great hopes for this trip. i definitely feel that it will have a huge influence on my life even if i don't accomplish all the things i would like to. i mean, come on, i'm going to have to rely on myself so much more than usual. i am going to be in a completely new environment, surrounded by a language whose intricacies remain foreign to me, or, at the very least, rather rusty. i'm going to be experiencing a culture so different from the american way of life. can i come out of it unscathed? what will i find out about myself? about life? traveling always inspires revelations. i cannot wait. i cannot wait to be able to explore and to walk the streets where there is so much history, and so much beauty.

i plan on making lots of mistakes. i have always been so afraid of messing up, of being slightly less than perfect, and i want to let go of that a little bit. mistakes are a good way to learn. i plan on forcing myself out of my comfort zone. i plan on making some "real" French friends. i plan on getting lost and finding my way back without worrying, rather, while reveling in the experience. i want to take a train without planning and see where i end up, although i fear that may be a little too out of character. i plan on traveling all over europe. we'll see how far i can stretch what little money i have to work with. i plan on taking lots of pictures to remember this trip by. i plan to be less attached to this black macbook, as much as i love my baby. i plan to read more: in french and in english. newspapers and books. i plan to speak up more. to take advantage of all the opportunities that are literally being thrown at me.

i plan to write more. so stay tuned.

next installment from paris...